Originally Posted by Messenger
I am a very compassionate person and it bothers me to death that she does not know. But I'm tearing my hair out about what "I" am supposed to do about it from here.
Messenger, I appreciate your honesty and willingness to address this situation head on. Based on what you have posted, what you should do is step all the way out of this relationship, and I don't mean "just be friends," I mean all the way out until 1 of 2 things happens. Either he confirms that he has broken up with his girlfriend or you hear from the girlfriend directly that she is okay with your and his relationship.
This situation is not okay and definately not fair to her, particularly if there is some emergency circumstance. She could be devastated by this and you do not want to be a willing participant in her pain or in the line of fire when that occurs. She would be right to include you in the blame if this continues. You don't want that. I doubt your boyfriend wants that although he's so hung up with NRE, it doesn't appear he is thinking clearly. You need to hear from her, or he needs to start over with everyone having full knowledge and consent.
And keep reading around here! It's great relationship advice, poly or not!