Originally Posted by insanity;132968[I
]I just don't think it is a good idea to go straight forward and list my demands out of the blue[/I] to someone who never thought that things like that exist.
Thanks to this forum I am not beating around the bush anymore, but taking it slowly.
Of course I am making mistakes as I am lacking 'tools' which could help me deal with this situation.
Therefor I am frustrated.
My only question about the above - Is it going to be more hurtful to him in the long run if you hide the extent of your feelings/urges? Personally, hiding something as big as feeling LOVE for someone else is cheating. I understand not wanting to make demands, but if you already love this woman (and I'm not sure if you do or if you just know there's the possibility that you will) then he deserves to know. If it comes out 3, 6, 9 months from now that you've been in love with her the entire time and he's still not comfortable with it, what are you going to do?
Also, you say you don't want to be straight forward but then you're not beating around the bush anymore. Which is it? Are you beating around the bush trying to ease things in without being totally upfront or are you just putting it all out there to push through?
What tools would you like to have for the situation? From what I know, you have a whole group of people on this forum that are willing to help you through the transition while sharing their stories and experiences from when they have been through similar things. There is a whole list of reading material both online and in book form available to you if you are interested and willing to put the time into research. You have a boyfriend who at least at times is trying to understand what you're going through. Why not introduce him to the forum or to some of the recommended reading? Seeing that polyamory is realistic may help him understand what you're feeling.