Originally Posted by opalescent
Oral sex without barriers actually is low risk for possible HIV transmission as compared to unprotected vaginal or anal sex. Saliva is generally inhospitable to the HIV virus. It is high risk for other STIs such as the various herpes and HPV viruses. However, it is also true that avoiding bodily fluids will not protect one entirely against STIs. HPV and herpes (HSV) are transmitted via touch, not by fluids. I was religious about using condoms and managing fluids and I still contracted HPV. So unless one is covered up head to toe in latex or one never ever has sex or any physical contact with another human being, there is no such thing as safer sex. It comes down to understanding the risks and what risks one is willing to take. There is also going to be a certain level of ambiguity that you and she will have to live with. Not all the risks are known.
This is my reasoning for not using barriers for oral. HPV and HSV are the two virus families that are known to be spread orally and you can get those even while using a barrier - or even from kissing. I also HATE latex in my mouth. I don't care if it's flavored, I do NOT like the feel of something like that in my mouth.
I also tell people that I don't use barriers for oral, though. I would honestly chalk this up to miscommunication. If it is something you honestly can't live with as a risk, then you need to communicate that. I've honestly never met a person IRL that uses barriers for oral, so that is something to consider. More power to you for being that stringent and health-conscious!