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Old 04-16-2012, 09:48 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,072

I've had my own issues with fluid bonding and communication fuck ups. Feel free to look at the threads I've started that discuss my misadventures.

One thing I learned is that "my fluid bonding is not the same as yours'. It sounds like you and your partner did not clearly talk, in excruciating, possibly embarrasing detail, about what you considered fluid bonding, what she did, what was in, what was out. Many people do not consider barriers for oral sex to be necessary. Not every one knows all of the risks involved. People make very different calculations about risk levels. Your risk level is obviously different from your partners - and there is nothing wrong with that.

And terms like high risk or low risk need context, particularly in regard to which STI is being discussed. Oral sex without barriers actually is low risk for possible HIV transmission as compared to unprotected vaginal or anal sex. Saliva is generally inhospitable to the HIV virus. It is high risk for other STIs such as the various herpes and HPV viruses. However, it is also true that avoiding bodily fluids will not protect one entirely against STIs. HPV and herpes (HSV) are transmitted via touch, not by fluids. I was religious about using condoms and managing fluids and I still contracted HPV. So unless one is covered up head to toe in latex or one never ever has sex or any physical contact with another human being, there is no such thing as safer sex. It comes down to understanding the risks and what risks one is willing to take. There is also going to be a certain level of ambiguity that you and she will have to live with. Not all the risks are known.

So now would be a great time to have that in detail conversation about what fluid bonding is for you, for her, what is permissible and what is not for the two of you.
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