The only thing that is risk free is no sexual contact of any sort, or any contact where any bodily fluids are exchanged (so that includes kissing). For that same reason there is no such thing as "safe sex".
It's like everything else in life, you need to weigh what is, to you, acceptable risk given the benefits that you receive. Once you understand that, it's vitally important that you come to a very explicit agreement with whomsoever you are fluid bonded. This has to include a list of actions that are ok and actions which are not. This can include differences, depending on whether the parties have been tested recently, etc.
There is NO "right answer" for this, and there isn't even a sharply-delineated line of "commonsense". It HAS to be discussed in detail, and agreement reached. Being mad at something that the other did that you regard as an unacceptable level of risk that they don't (and had no clue how you felt) is a fault of communication between you, not the other person.
If you cannot come up with a common agreement about these behaviours, then a fluid bond between you is not going to be possible.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Last edited by CielDuMatin; 04-17-2012 at 12:11 AM.