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Old 04-16-2012, 01:33 PM
Severian Severian is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4

My wife sucks at being poly, in essence. I've read lots of stuff at this point. Communication and soothing insecurities seems like a major part making this work. And right now I'm as insecure as they come. But I'm so ready for poly to work for us, except that she doesn't make an effort to just... be loving, I guess. It makes me very sad to think she doesn't care anymore. She says she loves me, but she'll also say when she's mad (usually as she's trying to sleep) that she doesn't care anymore. I'm not sure if I should trust lucid-wife or sleepy-wife. If I'm crying she doesn't' make an effort to console me. Usually the spat will end only if she starts to cry too and I go into protective mode, bury my own feelings and immediately begin to sooth her.

So, I've just been in a new sort of depression for about a month now. A better one, I guess. The good news is that nothing 'new' has happened, as having unprotected sex is about as low as you can go next to INTENTIONALLY (at least for him) trying to have a baby. The bad news is that nothing is resolved. I hate feeling emotionally dependent on my wife, but I have no one to talk to about this right now. I talk to my friends from NY, but I don't think I can tell them about this poly stuff. We made friends with a particular girl that my wife figured would be the coveted second female for our quad, but she's got her own hang ups about that. Second female was the first person I was able to talk to about my feelings on this (while drunk and with my wife present). It was the catharsis, the therapy I needed. She didn't even really say anything, just listened and responded kindly. I guess some near stranger gave me in one evening what I was desperate to have from my wife for months. Some sympathy. But since she's not going to make us a quad, and my wife was her friend first, my wife doesn't want me to pursue her as my unofficial therapist. I guess my wife doesn't want us hanging out alone in case I might paint a bad picture of her. I don't think I would/could do that, and I might talk to her anyway (letting my wife know that I am). But I haven't decided yet.

I am interested in forming a quad, to fill the gaps left in my life that have been pulled out from under me. Also cause NRE feels awesome. However, I'm in such a low place emotionally and insecure leaving my comfort zone that I don't even know how to get started on that.


I've talked a lot and probably left a lot of stuff out. I would love any comments, support, or critism anyone has to offer. If your the one person that actually read all this, thank you. Typing this has helped, at least a little.

Last edited by Severian; 04-16-2012 at 02:51 PM.
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