My (very poor) introduction to the magical world of poly.
Hello all. I'm going to use this post also as my introduction, I guess. If a mod wants to move it, that's fine, too. Not sure what subforum it belongs in.
I'm in a bad place right now and if I get rambly, I apologize before hand. I'll try to be as brief as possible, but I have no idea how long this post will be as a type this, but here goes.
My wife and I have been together for about 5 years, but have known each other as acquaintances then as friends for well over a decade. We've been mono the vast bulk of this time. About half way through we moved from NY to the midwest area to save money. I guess that's where things began falling downhill. I've been depressed for a long time now, and have been having trouble keeping a job. This is a due to a multitude of reasons that, at the time, seem reasonable enough, but taken collectively make me look like a deadbeat. Maybe I am.
Anyway, we've been in financial trouble since we moved out here and it's almost entirely been my fault. Intellectually my wife and I have grown closer. We studied lots of different communication methods and enjoyed discussing our personal philosophies together, and are on the same wavelength for most anything. I truly, truly love her above anything else. I'm acting the part of a fuck up and I feel like I've irredeemably ruined everything at this point, but I guess I'll need to go into that more in a bit later.
So, anyway, my wife wants a kid. Has wanted one basically forever, she's that kind of person. I feel sorry for her that she hitched her wagon to me those years ago. It's always been my philosophy to work the minimum, enjoy the maximum, and love will fill in the gaps. Romantic, sure, but unrealistic when you want a baby in the mix. So my not holding down a job was a major, catastrophic issue in our relationship.
So, my wife and I hermited it up in midwest, alone except for each other and occasional visits to her family our here. We made rare attempts to branch out, but nothing came of it until late 2011. We started going out to meet up groups for various things we are interested in. I'm normally a very, very extroverted guy, which I guess is part of the reason for my depression after I moved away from everyone I had ever known, and I didn't go to most of the meet ups. I was also lapsing in my duties sexually due to depression / caffine screwing with my labido. We still had sex, but it was once every week/two weeks. Much less than ideal. My wife, on the other hand, is also extroverted by spent most of her upbringing socially awkward and kept down by extremely abusive parents. So, she dived head first into the meet up groups. There, she met the other guy.
He's basically my mirror image. Unimpulsive, lots of money. I'm much more emotionally mature than he is, though. He's older but has spent much of his life (real)friendless and dated only very little. Not quite a virgin, but not far from it either.
So, I've been going on fast forward most of the way here, so I guess I'm going to slow down and post in more detail. This is going to be pretty long, I guess.
He was a nice enough guy when I met him, but when my wife brooked the idea of going poly with him, I freaked out. That was kinda the death knell for my going to meet up groups, cause now it was totally out of my safety net. So, their relationship grew, my resistance didn't really mean much in the end. My wife gave me poly literature to read, and read I did.
Last edited by Severian; 04-16-2012 at 02:32 PM.