View Single Post
Old 04-16-2012, 10:13 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Messenger View Post
I recently met a poly male... He did mention that he had a girlfriend, and that he wanted me to meet her. They do not live together. This was weeks ago and he still has not told her about me! We had been together 3-4 times until I realized he was not telling her and I have since backed off and told him to tell her the truth.

His reasoning for not telling her right away is confusing to me. He wants to wait until after their trip together. Apparently he thinks timing is wrong.
If he is really poly, what does "timing" have to do with anything?

If they actually have a consensual poly arrangement and everything is out in the open, even if she didn't feel the need to meet his lovers right away, it would be very strange and highly suspect for him not to tell her he met/is chatting with/is fucking someone. He wouldn't have to strategize when to tell her if they are honest with each other! The only time I think this might be truthful would be if they had agreed to be poly and you were his first opportunity, or there was some other life event going on in their relationship, which might mean a lot of talking it over and negotiating boundaries before anything happens - but note I said BEFORE anything happens.

IF you two have been fucking and he still needs to time his confession, that sounds really bogus, and could very likely indicate that he is cheating. Even if she didn't want a face-to-face meeting, there should've been some contact between you and her before any fucking took place.

Something really stinks to high heaven here. I would DTMFA if I were you.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 04-16-2012 at 08:17 PM.
Reply With Quote