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Old 04-16-2012, 05:28 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,683

It sounds to me like he has gotten used to lieing. It seems to me that people get caught up in the cycling of getting away with cheating and lieing and find it hard to quite. Ya, he didn't want to upset you, but its a lazy way out. If he didn't want to upset you, he wouldn't of cheated and lied. He would of thought ahead, used some empathy, realized that his integrity is worth more to him and his family and sucked it up or talked to you about what he would like to do regardless of your reaction.

In my opinion he needs some help. He needs to re-learn how to tell the truth. That could take some time and patience on your part and some realization that he will likely fuck up again before he gets it. Honesty is hard to achieve at the best of times in our culture of going underground to get our needs met because so much of what we are taught is that everything that we love is BAAAAAD for us. He has an extra hard journey to get to a place of not only realizing that what he needs is okay but being honest about it is the best possible solution.

You have been through a lot in the last while. It could just be that there just was not enough time to catch up on emotions in terms of where life is heading for you personally (your age group has a lot of stuff to sort out in terms of where to head in life), where your life together is going, grieving the loss of important people in your life, coping with a child and being pregnant. Really. That is a lot. It isn't an excuse, but it seems to me that it was easier for him to take a lazy way out and do shit that is stupid, just because there is no energy left to make better choices... now he is stuck thinking that he can get away with stuff whenever he wants because it worked several times... well a lot of times really. He's wrong, it isn't an easy way, and now he has some work to do.

Good luck!
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