Idealist Poly Blog Part 45- A nice surprize!!
I had the pleasure of having a sexual encounter with two "swingers" (a male and a female) and at the end of the evening, we found ourselves making plans to spend a few days together- just the three of us- later in the year.
I’ve known Diane for about 18 years. We’ve been good friends. She has lived 5 hours away for the last 10 years, but we have stayed in touch and when she comes to town to visit family, we spend time together.
We met at church about 18 years ago. It was a Unity type church, so it was more open minded than a traditional conservative church. At the same time, we were both sexually conservative. Neither of us believed in casual sex and we had lots of boundaries about sex. Neither of us would have considered having sex with a guy right after meeting him.
Fast forward 16 years and Diane is complaining that she hasn’t been laid in over 2 years. About that time, I was experimenting with polyamory for the first time. I shared my thoughts and experiences with her. About a year later, when we could see that things were going good for me, I urged her to set up a profile on a swinger/poly dating site which she did. She jumped right in and now officially calls herself a swinger.
Since I’m bisexual and it’s been difficult for me to find a woman for myself, I’ve entertained the idea of what it would be like with Diane. She considers herself “straight” but dates couples and has had some good experiences with women, so she has expressed an openness in seeing what might happen if she and I would pursue something.
Well- we had the opportunity to have a FMF this weekend and OMG it was awesome! As I mentioned before, the three of us felt such an interest in one another that we are talking about developing more as a threesome!
For me, this is about transcending labels. Not as much avoiding labels, but not taking labels so seriously.
Sometimes, when polyamory people date and begin to have sexual relations with one another, it can resemble swinging. And sometimes when swingers find intimacy with one another, it can resemble polyamory. The lines aren’t as clear as people make them out to be. Polyamory people don’t want to be labeled as swingers because they want to be seen as focused on emotional intimacy and love- not just sex. Swingers want to have the sexual connection without the drama that love and NRE can bring, so they take the label of swinger as a protective measure which is supposed to keep them safe.
Well, guess what….a swinger label will not necessarily insure that a swinger will not fall in love and a poly label will not necessarily insure that a poly person will find more than a sexual connection.
So- I'm excited and we'll see where this goes!! Yeah!!
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Last edited by idealist; 04-16-2012 at 01:57 AM.