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Old 04-15-2012, 09:32 PM
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beginninglove beginninglove is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast, USA
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Thanks so much for all the good questions, MeeraReed. The day after you posted that I wrote out this long, thoughtful response to each part of your questions and then of course something happened and the site asked me to log in a bunch of times and i lost the whole thing. i was so frustrated i couldn't even visit the site for awhile. well, AND i've been very busy.

alex and i are taking some space and i am subletting a friend's apartment for the month of april. taking this space has felt AMAZING. i feel so...myself. i have been spending time with both alex and K also (no sex with alex and almost nothing BUT sex with K) so i've been busier than usual, given that the logistics of not staying home sometimes make my life feel a little more complicated, but i have also felt free, liberated, true to myself. i love the quiet time. i have decided i am a true introvert in many ways.

i have been taking things day by day, really truly practicing being in the moment and not trying to figure anything out or make any big proclamations about what i am going to do with the rest of my life (relationship-wise). i ahve been questioning everything, all the things i have taken for granted about what my life would look like or "should" look like. the notion of marriage, the ideal of a life-long partner (even in the context of poly), the assumption that someday i will have a kid of my own.

i've been reading a book called "sex at dawn" that argues that we have seriously distorted evolutionary history to support our current narrative of human sexuality where pair-bonding, monogamy, and the nuclear family are "natural" and even "instinctive". the authors argue that we are actually more naturally a communal, sharing social species where it is more adaptive to share everything: resources, sexual partners, child-raising duties, etc. i was kind of bored by the historical review of all the evidence that supports this argument, mainly because i already bought it from the beginning. nothing shocking there. it makes a lot of sense, and i've been thinking a lot more about this in terms of helping my friends raise their babies instead of having my own.

sex with k just keeps getting better and better. my practice now is to be a good communicator and keep things clear. just take things day by day. it is still hard for me to find the line between "processing" or saying too much and not saying enough.

sam actually called me this week (she was my most recent ex-lover who moved cross-country for a in-town, monogamous relationship with her LDR) and told me that things weren't working out with her relationship, and if she came to visit, could we hook up? i said no, i am currently maxed out in that department. it feels good to be in touch with what i want and be able to assert my boundaries with no guilt or afterthought.
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Gay 30-something female that just ended a committed relationship with a mono partner, Alex, and in the midst of NRE with a new lover, K.
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