Originally Posted by Tea4three
DH does want to be with me, he loves our son and is great with him, he has been putting his big boy pants on a bit lately, if he keeps going this way he will get less flakey, I'm just not sure I can afford to gamble that it won't all fall apart when it becomes too hard or too boring being responsible.
This ~this~ it seems you've hit the nail on the head. Your DH has a hard time consistently being the adult. Honestly at 26 years of age, this is hard for many men. The question is can you give him time to grow up?
It also sounds that you two did not talk about expectations in regard to your sexual / romantic exclusivity ~ that you both had different ideas about the structure of your married life. Perhaps, you both ought to sit down now and ask one another exactly what your expectations are. Encourage him to be honest. It could very well be that although he loves you and the children dearly, he may want the structure to be different than it is. And he may be afraid to tell you for fear of losing you. Are you willing to consider re-negotiating in effort to make sure everybody's desires ~ yours and his ~ are accounted for? Or are you able to go forward only if the marriage adheres to your expectations? I'm not saying you should consider or agree to things that you simply can't; I'm just trying to ascertain if there is wiggle room there for the two of you to work with and compromise on.