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Old 04-14-2012, 12:02 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by Todd View Post
I'm a gay guy dating another guy, but he's bi. He has a fuck-buddy
Would you be just as upset if he had a fuck-buddy of his own gender? If he weren't bi? Her being your unemployed roommate is more problematic than his bisexuality, I hope.

However, because she is unemployed, she is home all the time. My boyfriend and I both work evening shifts and our days off only overlap once a week, meaning we don't get a lot of time just to ourselves to begin with, but to add to it, we also often have visitors in our home, as we maintain an open door policy to our friends.
Was that your choice? His? His with her? Yours with him? You sound dissatisfied with it, and I personally would suspend that in favor of the home-time with Boyfriend that you crave. Yes, it's okay to kick everyone out of the house, including Roommate ("go have fun with our friends tonight, mmkay?") in order to have a date night.

Would showing him what you've written instead of saying it be any help? I often write first and speak later. Partly because sometimes my brain fumbles for words in any language--I speak three, and only have one in common with my metamour. Writing things down has helped me put distance between impulse and action, as well as given me room to organise my ideas.

I also don't see where you're totally the responsible party in this. Something prompted your jealousy. Yes, you have to speak up somehow, but both of you/all three of you need to look over your circumstances and find room for you.

Where is the line? How forceful am I allowed to be and how justified am I when I can't help but clench up inside when I see them flirting in front of me? How am I supposed to keep myself from resenting my roommate when she gets exactly all the things I want readily while I have to work my ass off for them? How am I supposed to keep myself from resenting my boyfriend? I'm afraid I'm tearing my relationship apart because I just don't know how to handle any of this at all!
The line is right where you are, sounds like. You're justified in trying to save your relationship from dwindling into nothing. I... have no idea how not to resent that roommate. I don't know how she got to be living with you in the first place. I don't know whether she was his fuck-buddy first or whether that just followed on. It's one thing to move a legit secondary or co-primary in while she's having a hard time, but if she seriously means nothing more to him than a willing hole, why does she get to live with you guys rent-free? Was she your friend too, at some point? (Not, um, in the same sense.)

Good luck. <3
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