Thread: Dating advice?
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:35 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
She went out of her way to let you know she wasn't interested. I think insisting would easily be seen as disrespectful.
Some things apply whether we're talking monogamy or polyamory. This is one of them.

I am biased, because I have had a bad experience with "insisting". For instance, I asked a teacher out when I was in university, after the year ended. Because I was still going to attend the university (not with him as a teacher) he said, he couldn't date me.
I didn't think to say anything at the time. And if I had wanted to say anything at all, I should have done it right then. Instead, I went to him again later and pointed out that the problem was easy to solve as this university was hardly the only one I could attend, nor the closest to where I lived.
Long story short, while we had previously ended it on friendly term, he was really put-off by the fact I insisted and became upset with me, and seemed to feel worried by me (like I was some kind of stalker).
It was pretty hurtful, and I'm mentioning it here so that you know what my own experience is and how it is heavily influencing my advice. This instance wasn't the only time it happened (my insisting and ruining things), but it seemed to be the most relevant one to your situation.
Are you me? I mean, damn, that was my 2007. Much love to you for getting through it.

There is a serious "no means maybe" problem, isn't there? Romance novels and romantic comedies tell us this is a fine strategy to employ, and then we employ it without realising we're not characters. We're humans. And humans tend to get fed up with that kind of insistence in a hurry. I've insisted; I've been on the receiving end of insistence; it never ended well. No has to start meaning no, and so these days I behave in ways that are consistent with that philosophy.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }

Last edited by lovefromgirl; 04-14-2012 at 12:36 AM. Reason: Whoops! Floating non-quoted bits.
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