In a perfect world...
My lover and I wouldn't have to hide our feelings, and my husband and I wouldn't have to hide our open marriage or his low libido. We would all be able to love and accept one another without self-consciousness (complicated feelings are fine, we can work through those). I'd be able to go around town with my lover, spend nights at his place and even have him be part of my family. He wouldn't feel awkward telling his friends he's been seeing a married woman for the last year and that we've developed a profound friendship. He would have told his new girlfriend about me the moment they met and she would have been fine with it. Maybe we'd develop a friendship of our own. It'd be so nice to talk about all the things we love about my lover. (I'm uncomfortable being part of his deceit, but I don't know how to let him go yet.) My husband would find an interesting woman for us to share, someone who brings adventure and life experience to the table, someone we can both love. He too would go off and enjoy his private time. Having an additional relationship has given me a beautiful escape from the stress of daily life. I hate having to keep it under wraps, but we have children, work, school, PTA, and carpool, and all the rest of the chaos that goes with raising a family. Our community already thinks of me as a wild card. What feels perfectly natural to me further alienates me.
In a perfect world we would all be polyamorous. And exceptional communicators.