Thank you Anneintherain for making me think. I appreciate your thoughtful words and genuine interest in inquiry.
Lots of hot NRE and sex, clearly. Am I thinking long term? Hmmm...yes and no.
Yes: I have had many discussions with him and my wife about such possibilities as him getting her pregnant or breaking us up, etc. These things are what come to mind when I think of long term issues: pregnancy/children & break ups & STDs too. So we have talked about these things repeatedly, and the things that he has said to me have made me comfortable and love him more. If she were to get pregnant, we would work it out. Who knows how it would go, because she and I haven't conceived and carried to term successfully in 7 years of unprotected sex. Maybe it would be a gift from God. I dont know.
Maybe this can become a long term triad. He is opening up to me slowly. I am not pushing, it is just happening naturally of its own accord. i am open to it. We want to travel the world together, so that is definitely making a comittment to eachother, but it is not a hand fasting or buying a house together. It is a comittment to spending time *together* and having experiences together for a long time.
No: In some ways I am completely not thinking long term at all. We are not planning to move in together or exchange rings. We aren't talking about changing our lives so that we can always be together all the time forever and ever more. My wife and I are like that with each other, but that is not happening with him. With him it is about being together now and making some plans to continue to spend time together and get to know each other and play. Its making space to explore this relationship to see what it may become in its full adult state.
I have two weeks of posts that I've already written, and I schedule them for one post a day on my blog. That said, the "negative" experience I was having two weeks ago when I wrote about her first oral and no condom are no longer occuring. Things have changed, as they always do, and my feelings have been addressed and we have moved on to deeper places of understanding, passion, and love since then.
It is truly good.
Honestly, part of me doesn't give a damn about whether or not they use condoms. It's just the pregnancy possibility that makes it linger in my mind. We are all still young lovers together. it's a fine rule to have for now. it may disappear sometime.
You mention a "forced effort". Yes, that dynamic was there. We needed to work through it. I needed to work through it. If the last few sexperiences and days of spending time together are anything to go by, then I think that we have moved on in a positive good forward direction. i am no longer feeling on the sidelines. That is what I didn't want to feel.
Thank you for your concern, your feedback, and your insights. I appreciate having someone say grounding words to me about the realities and implications of our actions, my actions, and our decisions and non decisions.