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Old 04-13-2012, 07:44 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Oh, Amuk, I hate to say it, but it seems like your last post is about trying to run a marathon while patching a festering wound with hello kitty band-aids, instead of letting the wound heal before gently walking a mile.

The old "relationship broken, add more people" issue is at play here. There is no "special treat" no "tit for tat" that will fix this. Work on yourself, your health, your awareness, & your self esteem. Polish your hobbies, get a new one. Having that new special partner who makes you forget how crappy you feel about your marriage isn't going to do anything in the long run but help you decide if your wife is ever going to pull her weight, which should be decided ahead of taking on new partners. I will say getting a new partner CAN give you an extra excuse to decide that though your marriage isn't as rewarding as you thought it was, the extra happy can make it tolerable to deal with the current problems for longer than you would if you were monogamous and unhappy.

"Another love in my life would give me that opportunity to share experiences"

Well what are those experiences, and are those things your wife just doesn't have in common with you (ie hates hiking when you love it, likes 3 day music festivals when a 2 hour concert is your limit, prefers vegan food while you hunger for a thick juicy steak?) If it is the experience of love, equality, fairness - well, go reread all the things other people have said to you so far. If it's you just don't want to be alone in a tent with your wife for three days because you would both be fine with it, but it'd lead to at least a full day of arguing and griping about your current relationship, that's pretty important.

It seems like you aren't sure what you want, or what you deserve, or even how to go about getting it if you figure it out. Starting at basics is probably more helpful right now than trying to figure out how to build the Eiffel tower. You wont be able to get off of the negativity you feel in your marriage until you have a solid foundation. I know you don't want to hear it, but you probably shouldn't be worrying about another love until you get your own house in order.

edit: I imagine there's also plenty of conversation that could be had about this - "I don't feel I can neglect the responsibilities I have committed to when it comes to being the provider of the family (I am like a father to my 6 year-old step-daughter)", and what that means about your wife and her responsibilities. But I'll save that for another time.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 04-13-2012 at 07:46 AM.
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