Ok, I'm going to try to get this thread headed back in the direction I was initially hoping for. Thanks for all the advice and allowing me to vent...but let's suppose she is making gradual improvements...and I truely believe she is trying and having some sucess doing so.
So what am I to do in the meantime is what I am left to wonder. I'm at a loss of what I can be dong for myself. I have so little time after nursing school and all the associated work and I don't feel I can neglect the responsibilities I have committed to when it comes to being the provider of the family (I am like a father to my 6 year-old step-daughter). I feel I deserve a vacation but I have no interest in going on one alone even if I somehow had the time. I'd like to provide myself with some special treat if no one else is going to hand me one, but I can't think of something I want for, or can imagine, enjoying alone by myself. I'm no longer much of a wanter of things...it is experiences I now cherish and have a strong desire to share. Another love in my life would give me that opportunity to share experiences however it's a chicken or egg, which came first, kind of delemma...I don't see much chance of a new lover until I can get myself off this fixation upon this negativity I feel in my marriage.