Originally Posted by amuk
I'm kind of scared to ask for her to do things for me at this point because historically if she does something for me that I asked for afterwards she often feels further entitled and says something along the lines of "now that I've done X for you, you should let me (or be okay with me) doing Y".
All the other posters do have some good advice about compatibility and all, but I did want to call this out specifically.
She is not doing things FOR YOU, she is doing things FOR US, and to balance out her contribution of the household. My husband brings in much more income than I do, and so when he is helping me do things around the house, I appreciate
it. We actually had a discussion recently about what would happen if my social life started > me taking on the lions share of the chores, and although he is usually way too generous and forgiving, even he said he'd put his foot down if that happened, which was surprising, but nice to hear he's making sure to look out for himself too.
It does sound like you have a lot of work to be done in your relationship, since you are scared to talk to her. There are a ton of great book and website recommendations available in the book/website sticky at the top of the forum, and I'd suggest researching and borrowing as many books as possible from the library as you can, which will help you learn to debate, negotiate, and make sure you're drawing firm boundaries and asking for what you need.