Originally Posted by redpepper
I am wondering what the reason is that these two men have not met. I find that often times people get all into the fantasy image they have about others simply because they are not around them. You lover could easily slip into the attitude that he is the top dog that will get the girl in the end if he has not seen his metamour, let alone talked to him. Your bf could easily hold on to his jealousy around the sex you have with your lover and the size of his cock, if he has not seen him, talked to him or had a chance to develop some kind of relationship with him. I am not saying they have to be best buddies, but from what I have known in my own life and through spending years on here and other poly places of chat, the best medicine for jealousy and other fantastical thoughts is spending time together. Often people become way more, well, human and unthreatening when they are around us in real life. Why not invite them out for dinner and just shoot the shit. See how the conversation goes. Its been 2 1/2 years for goodness sake. High time, I think.
Well, they have never expressed an interest in meeting each other. My bf has only asked about him a few times, when I say him, I mean his life, job or what he is like. He has recently asked about the sex things, but thats not the same I dont think.
My lover knows more about my bf, but that is because he will ask me how things are with me, and what I've been up to, and because my day to day life
is made up of my bf and little boy they often come up.
Also, what if they dont get on or fight, I dont think that will happen, but if it did that would be the end of my relationship with my lover. My bf has been o.k about me seeing him, but if he met and disliked him that that would be less likely. I remember I had butterflies in my stomach before meeting my lovers wife, it was good though.
I now think the benefits outweigh the risks though, and agree with what you say.
So I'm thinking that if my lover, his wife and I can go out for dinner, there is no reason we cant add another and invite my bf. I would be much more comfortable with her there. If things were awkward at first, I would panic and it might be terrible. If she is there I know she will make it more comfortable.