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Old 04-13-2012, 05:20 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Re (from amuk, Post #6):
"... in order to appease me in the moment was consciously agreeing to something she had no intention of sticking to."
If she was really doing that, I consider that a pretty serious dysfunction.

Re (from amuk, Post #6):
"I fear the 9th week when I'm likely to hear that because she fulfilled this agreement I should have no problem with her getting drunk with her friends and coming back whenever she feels like doing so."
It seems to me that her getting drunk with her friends, and having no fixed time when she'll return, is always going to be a problem for you, regardless of whether she honored some other agreement. If that's true, then I'd think it would be better to tell her, "Well actually I do have a problem with that. I'll probably always have a problem with that, no matter what other things you've agreed to."

She may be in the habit of emotionally manipulating you if that's historically worked for her. I have to say, I'm uncertain about the idea that she's making great progress with this therapist of hers -- unless she's treated you a lot worse in the past?

Anyway, her sticking to one spoken agreement shouldn't then obligate you to some future unspoken agreement (which she chooses later on). You can't control her actions, but you can tell her when you're not okay with something. You then have to decide what actions on your part would be in your own best interest if she still decides to do the thing you've told her you're not okay with.

Can you be happy living this life with her, the way she is, and with all the work you have to do? If you can't be happy with that, then the circumstances need to change. Either you need her to change, or if she won't change, you might want to consider what's a dealbreaker for you.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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