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Old 04-13-2012, 04:50 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Originally Posted by Wants2BEqual View Post

I worry about you and your ability to really move on. Have you had other relationships since this one was over? Did he come fix your computer? How did you feel? Are you going to be able to get over him by keeping in such close touch? I guess its noble if so, I just couldnt do it. At least not now while emotions are still so charged.
I'll admit my emotions are all over the place on this one, depending on my energy level. It I'm well-rested and up, I cope fine. When I'm worn out, it's a lot more difficult.

Since I left, I've started a new job and have a separate circle of friends. That helps to keep me focused more on the here and now rather than that past. Seeing him in person is still hard ~ for both of us. I get energized when I see him, although there is no longer anything intimate between us except our deep understanding of one another, but find it hard to deal with when it's all over. That said, we are basically okay.

The thing that worries me the most is losing what remains if he cannot cope with me finding a new love. He's made it quite clear that he expects me to act on my own best interests, and truly wants me to be happy, but the one time early on I decided to try dating, (while still living with them - we tried to continue to live together for awhile, in spite of everything) my almost coldly logical guy, freaked out. Surprisingly strong emotional reaction. Feared he would lose me forever. That said, he still had some hope then that his wife would eventually come back around. In any case, because of that event, I now fear that he will withdraw from me further. Yet, his position is clear in regard to our future - we have none, at least until the kids are grown in 8-10 years. And there's no telling what could transpire in that length of time. So while we both express some hope at some point and time we could reunite, the length of time involved makes it impossible to consider realistically.

But to answer your question, no I have not had another relationship in that time. I just wasn't ready (despite my early attempt). But my new job, and the new place I moved into just last weekend are pulling me forward. I'm creeping up on the idea of dating again. I can't stay in this same emotional place forever. (And he'll have to feel whatever he feels. I suspect he won't draw away forever if he does require time away from communicating with me to process.)

My personal goal is to work at not comparing whomever I meet to the man I've lost. It's not fair to that person, and by doing so I might lose out on someone equally wonderful, but in a different way. So that's what I'm working on in my head. As we all know, people are not interchangeable; I cannot replace what I lost. But still someone new may enrich me in different ways. (Well, it sounds good on paper. :-) )
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