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Old 04-12-2012, 10:38 PM
km34 km34 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
The only problem I see is that the Bf is still in a lose lose position. If he can't cope ...if he has to tap out he's going look weak and feel weak. Being responsible for forcing you to give up something /someone you love and need. A lifestyle that he was ok with and agree to when he signed on. The guilt, shame, the failure from that... and the fear of resentment let alone any actual resent you may feel if he taps out. Gets what he wants yet feels like a loss. Might get sole custody of a vagina but lost the heart and mind that accompanied it.
Or since he had done some legitimate work on himself trying to be okay with the situation, she would mourn the loss of the relationship with her lover and put in the effort to get over him so she and her boyfriend could move on and have a happy, healthy relationship. Would it be hard? Yes. Would she feel resentment? Probably for a while, but overall I think she very much understands where her boyfriend is coming from and will do what is necessary to make their relationship work.

If he does continue to struggle....never getting use to the idea of sharing his Gf/( future wife) sexually ...never taps out because of the things listed above ....tolerates it because of the box " he" put "himself" into and the pain and resentment slowly eats his soul. Lose again.
Or he will continue working on his jealousy issues, they will continue working on the relationship in general, and eventually he will feel secure enough that he will even enjoy the fact that she has someone else!

Your scenario is possible, but not probable based on the information we've been given, I think.

Aurelie - I did have a question... Did you and your boyfriend talk about the possibility of him meeting your lover? If so, was he open to it? I could see it either going really well (the two guys liking each other or at least recognizing that the other is good for you) or really badly (your lover's arrogance showing up, your boyfriend feeling insecure from the beginning and letting it affect his personality, etc). Just curious if you two had thought about further. I remember you mentioning it early on, but I didn't remember much discussion on here stemming from that.
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