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Old 04-12-2012, 10:24 PM
faraday faraday is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 40

It is deeply annoying when people don't see there privilege. But would you want her to not act on it?

I live in a triad and two of us are grad students. We are super tight on cash all the time when other partners come in to play there can sometimes be resentment about opportunities that one partner has that the other one or two do not. But that doesn't mean I don't want them to pass on things that are offered. It also means I want them to understand that it's not something I can easily access.

For instance, my boyfriend was offered a free ticket to burning man. Which is something that the three of us have done together for years. This year it doesn't look like we can afford it but he has a free ticket. Am I jealous that he was offered it? Yes. Do I want him to turn it down so all three of us can't do the thing we want? Not at all.

My girlfriend is spending the summer in Europe traveling from conference to conference funded by her school. Am I jealous that I can't afford to do that? Yes, very much. Do I resent her for taking an opportunity handed to her? No! I don't want her to NOT do something just because I can't.

My hopes are that my partners support me when I get a chance to do something they can't. And right now it might feel a little unbalanced but that's life. Concentrating on things being Equal gets you no where. I want them to be happy and that means I don't want to guilt them into not doing things that they want simply because I can't.

On the other side I feel like it's completely acceptable to ask for support when things don't' feel "fair".

Are there things she could be doing that would help you feel better taken care of? Have you expressed those things?
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