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Old 04-12-2012, 10:07 PM
amuk amuk is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11
Question Dealing with my wife's feelings of self-entilement???

I having real trouble dealing with my wife's feelings of self-entitlement and all that "the universe provides" her. My problem stem from the difficulty for her to see how much more I have to work to get the things I want and "need" out of life.

I've gone about this problem in the wrong way for quite a while by trying to explain how I see the difference between what I need to do to get X and what I see she needs to do to get X. Doing so I was in hopes that she'd see things from my side and show appreciation for all the work I do and have done for many of the same things that she, in my mind, takes for granted because those things have been handed to her.

Now, I'm trying to make the change in myself do my best to accept her more for who she is and how she sees the world instead of trying to change how she sees the world. I know others have felt the way I do and am interested to find how they worked through their own issues to be more at peace with the way their partner is in this respect.

Now comes some background and examples. First off, she's a sexy/attractive woman who has had 100+ sexual partners and she cannot think of a single time she offered herself sexually and was refused (except for one recent time where she offered herself to her current boyfriend and he refused because he respected her and my relationship and knew that I was not yet comfortable with her having sex with anyone other than me). Though I feel I'm a sexy/attractive guy, most all of my sexual advances in my lifetime have been turned down. In her life she's had plenty of men buy her things and give her money either directly in exchange for sex, or in hopes of "buying" her off to have sex with them. In her past she saw little wrong with this probably related to being sexually abused by her grandfather, boyfriends of her mother, and other various men. There was also the years the was a meth addict, which is a drug she's completely avoided for close to 8 years.

Some current examples that I'm particularly envious follow. She has a psychologist that she began to see a few years ago when we had health insurance that covered that cost who continues to see her for free because he enjoys the sessions they have. If I want to see a councilor or psychologist now for help I would have to pay fully out of pocket (something that is currently unaffordable since we are both unemployed students...I quit my job about a year ago when I began nursing school and will be graduating as an RN in Spring 2013).

Her boyfriend, and other guy friends of hers (even a couple of the gay friends she has) will take her out to the bar and buy her drinks or out to restaurants and pay for her food. If I come along I'm expected to pay for myself and her out of my personal spending money which is rather scant (which currently comes from student loans and what work I do on breaks from school). When on spring break I worked almost every day to have money to cover bills and the mortgage that were due before our next financial aid disbursement I told her that I'd appreciate if she used that time while I was off working to get done some of the various housework things that we are way behind on. She maybe spent an hour a day and would sit and do things like play video games even when I had come home from 8 hours of work (labor as an arborist's assistant) and began doing housework immediately after getting home. When the car was in the shop for a couple of weeks she could call up her boyfriend and he'd be happy to give her a ride at just about any time. He's landed her money for things like the fencing lessons that they take together when I'm having to put groceries on a credit card because there is no money left to spend in the bank.

If I go on much more I'm just going to nitpick and ramble. I do have feelings that I deserve better and the best thing I can do for myself is end this marriage, but at this moment I'd like to focus on ways I may be better able to accept things as they are. I know the less I focus on the negatives in my marriage the more likely I will find someone else for myself to have a crush on, fall in love with, and/or be able to go out on fun dates with.

Thanks for reading,
- Jason
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