By not discussing it with me, he creates an impasse, which is one way to assert control of some sort, I suppose.
It's funny... I always thought he was the more poly-minded of us, but it appears that I may have been wrong in this.
No, I can't seem to find the magic words to enable him to discuss this with me. He seems to think that if he doesn't think about it or talk about it it, it somehow isn't happening. But he is having bad dreams, very clearly about this situation.
One of the things that makes me uncomfortable is that his refusal to engage with the issue somehow forces me to be secretive. And that feels deceiptful. If T phones me, I feel that I have to hide it from L.
Having to choose between them is not something I want. I love L, I don't want to be without him, he makes me happy. But now that T is in my life, I can't imagine being without him either.