I think that was the most frustrating part - it appeared we did want the same things initially. We did talk about the mundane things as well as sexual initially. We've talked philosophy, religion, politics, goals in life etc... Now any interaction we have beyond the morning hello is initiated by me and that doesn't turn into a real conversation. If it weren't for them continuing to want to get together I would think I was getting the cold shoulder.
But when I try to think of things outside of *my* feelings and wants I wonder if this is what they is the norm for them. Their relationship is very different from mine and hubby's. Hubby and I have a child and we have a very established routine that he goes to school, I go to work & we have dinner as a family at night. Because most of our friends have kids as well we don't have nights out often because of need for everyone to schedule childcare. Hubby and I spend a good deal of our time together, happily so. In the other hand they have very separate lives and autonomy is very important to them. Because of this they don't like to make plans often far in advance and because they don't have children they don't have the same constraints that we do. They are both students and work part time and as a result have conflicting schedules. They often go out with their individual friends without the other. So for them it's not unusual to not talk to one another frequently throughout their day. With those things in mind it's possible things have settled into a routine that is more familiar to their lifestyle.
Hubby ask me what I'd like to do thus morning and after giving some thought I'm still wanting to see where things go.
For the male of the duo he expressed early on it was important to him (and he felt we had already found an unspoken agreement) that we communicate daily. For this reason he texts me every single morning to wish me a good day. It's sweet and in these texts he often expresses how fond he is of me or that he's been thinking of me. Perhaps I have been taking them for granted.
They are not seeing others and it has been expressed by them they would like the goal that we all become exclusive. I think if it were purely sexual considering hie important autonomy is to them they may not be seeing only us - but they are.
The very things I like about them also bring about the traits I don't. I need to remind myself those are the things about them I enjoy. For instance they are both very artistic and along with that personality comes certain traits. They also reminded us that our autonomy is important to us as well and we have to remember we're not just a married couple with a kid. It's encouraged us to do the things we know are important to us. One of the things we share is our love of the arts and it's reminded us that we've been so wrapped up in being parents that we've let those interests slide.
And when we're together we do have such great conversation and connect on an intellectual level. So when we do think outside the *ideal* we had in mind it is worth seeing where things go. Now if I address the concerns we've had now I haven't decided. For now I'm ok just going with the flow.
Thanks so much for all the helpful word of advice.