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Old 04-12-2012, 11:38 AM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Originally Posted by rory View Post
Dream away, girl!
I will, no matter what you say, you buzzkill.

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Originally Posted by rory View Post
I don't wish to take your fun away, but I do want to comment on the points you made. To a, I do manage to have my own space even in a two-people setting, there's no reason you couldn't. Obviously, Dream City is an expensive place to live in, so financial considerations might do the difference, i.e., it might be somewhat easier for 4 people to manage a house with 4 bedrooms+living room (though that might be a challenge, too), than for 2 people to manage two bedrooms (yet, one-bedroom might be enough for two to have private space, as it is for me and Alec currently).
Well, your current apartment is awesome for that, but most apartments I've seen are not. And I was thinking about the financial aspect as well, as in it would be easier to find a good apartment with 4 people having their own rooms than 2 people having their own rooms. But in a way you're right, that is something I could make happen while living with JJ, at least in theory.

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Originally Posted by rory View Post
To b, I don't think that would be necessarily so. I don't know if I would be much help with that, being an introvert. Besides, JJ's needs for your company are one thing, and his needs for company in general are another.
There would be Alec, too, and not just you to keep JJ company at times. But you're right in that his needs for my company would still be there no matter what the living situation is.

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Originally Posted by rory View Post
C is kinda sorta true if you wish to look at it that way. But d I don't completely agree with again. If we had two apartments between the four of us, it would be easier I think for the guys at least to have others (if they wish to) since I figure it would work fine for you or me to go and visit each other and the one having a date could have their flat to themselves. Besides, I'm not sure I see everybody being comfortable with having sex loudly if there are other people in the same apartment, whether it's two of us or somebody with another person. If there are four people living together, there's rarely going to be privacy for loud sex no matter who wants to have it; more likely to happen with two flats available.

No objections to being a hippie, though!
C would actually be a big thing for me mentally in my quest for independence, but practicalities sometimes come in the way of my La-la-land dreams. What you're saying about the loud sex is true, but what if one of us wants to have it? Will you for example just send Alec to our place while you're doing it with someone else? So in this case I only half-agree with you, it would depend on who is the one wanting loud sex. Besides, it doesn't always have to be loud you know.

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Originally Posted by rory View Post
I feel like a total buzzkill always coming up with reasons why co-habitation would not work. I also have a suspicion that because I always come off so against it Mya will feel like I don't want to live with her, which is completely not true. Also, my own need for space is something I still sometimes feel anxious to express (fear of not being enough), even though I have made the decision to not let my fear stop me from speaking, and I am working towards getting completely comfortable with it.
I don't think you don't want to live with me specifically, we've discussed this so many times that your opinion and the reasons behind it are quite clear to me. So all is well on that department. The only thing I'm having trouble understanding is that how would it be difficult to have your own space while living with 3 people if you could have your own room all to yourself? I know, we've discussed this too, but I just don't really get it. In my head I would have more my own space in a situation like that than living like we do now.

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Originally Posted by rory View Post
However, I feel like I need to express it any time Mya brings up co-habitation, because I don't enjoy upholding wants that are unrealistic. Thus, I don't enjoy reveling too much in how great it would be if I could live with her, because in the practical circumstances I don't think that will happen any time soon. I know she approaches wants differently, so maybe I should just shut up and not be a total downer?
I understand that we have a different perspective on wants. But these things are on my mind, whether I write about them or not. I'm not demanding or even asking anything from you that has to do with living arrangements. Could I just keep dreaming without any expectations that it will happen please? I did write several times that I understand this is probably not going to happen, so what do you want from me? To stop thinking about it or to stop writing about it?

The reason why these things are on my mind is that I'm thinking about the living arrangements thing constantly because mine and JJ's is changing all the time. I have to really ponder what I want in life and how I want to live. Even though my main concern right now is to figure out how I want to live next month and then again how I want to live in 4 months, my thoughts - quite logically I think - go to how I'd like to live in two years as well.

Well, maybe I'm the one that should shut up now.
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Me: bi female in my 30's
Live-in partners: Hank and rory
Partner: Yvonne
Exes that I might talk about: Zooey, Ray, Sol, Evan, JJ

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