Ok darthfrog, if your concern has nothing to do with sex, then lets reframe this using a different issue but a similar set of dynamics in terms of one person hurting because of another's activities.
Let's say my partner is in the military and has to be away regularly because of it. He was in the military when I met him, I knew this about him. Yet it's hard for me because I'm a pacifist and would never be in the military myself, plus I miss him when he's gone, I'm responsible for the kid when he's not there, I wonder if he likes the danger more than our stable, predictable home life.
He asks if I want him to quit the military, and says he will if I need him to but that it would hurt him to do so. We have long talks about it. I decide that I love him enough to stay with him AND not to ask him to give up this important part of his life. We set agreements, like him calling me every night when he's away, to make it easier. I work on being less fearful.
Am I being exploited? Is my consent to being in the relationship not genuine? Should my partner break up with me for my own good?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.