It is time for an update:
After she did not show up twice, I called her last week. We had a nice short chat and made a plan to visit the club on what was then "the next Tuesday" which was yesterday. Yesterday we had a great time at the club, then walked to her car and made plan to meet today.
Today me met outside of the club as planned, had a good time and finished with a very nice conversation over drinks. As the time to get up was approaching, I asked her if she had any plans for the second weekend from now because this would be the time when I would have a weekend off here.
She asked: is it about [the activity]?
I said: Yes, and also to spend some time together, to talk.
She then said: But why do you want to do that?
I answered: Because I like your company.
Here, she continued with "but I am much older than you" and after I answered with "yes, I know" she explained that she has a full life and that she was reached to a point where she is not interested in romantic activities.
Then she said something of the sort of "I am not sure if this has actually crossed your mind, but I want to make sure."
Then we got up, picked our stuff from the coat check, walker to her car just a few steps away and amicably parted.
I AM SO SAD! It hurts so much to be rejected!
I know that the chances were slim, but gosh, she is really a woman I wanted to be with. She is smart, very beautiful, and very sophisticated. It hurts so, so much to be rejected. I had a lot of rejection when I was younger, and not that much since I have been married
(now too much dating), but gosh, it is painful. And the sad part is that I will continue seeing her at the club and I don't want to stop going.
So, here it ends. While she mentioned age first, and she said that she is in general not interested in dating, I know that if she liked me romantically, she would have gone for it because she knows what she wants and how to get it. I hate it when love hurts so much!
Now I am thinking: "man, if you are not good even for a toyboy, you are really good for nothing."