Originally Posted by Mudita
I struggled with this for years. I'll tell you my experience but of course YMMV.
There was a number of emotions at play.
- Jealousy: my lover would leave me for him
- Ego: I wanted to be able to make my lover feel this way.
- Envy: I wanted her to be doing this with me.
- Arousal: for me seeing a woman highly aroused is perhaps my greatest pleasure in sex. The idea of my lover being intensely aroused turned me on.
The problem is it's difficult to separate these emotions and so you end up feeling like crap and yet being very turned on at the same time.
This is very confusing.
Address these feelings individually and you may just be left with him being turned on if you're lucky.
To do this he needs to examine his emotions in a fairly fine grained way which is where it will help if he has some sort of process to do this as per my previous post.
That he's able to admit it, to himself and to you, seems like a very promising sign.
Thanks, it's nice to get advice from a mans perspective.
He was very bashful when he admitted that the thought of me with another man turned him on, he just kind of blurted it out quickly. I would never have believed it, again I need to encourage him to tell me these things and also to listen more.