Yes Co-primaries I decided would have been the best way to make a triad work. I tried to make her see I could complement, not take away from her life. A friend, confidant, financial burden sharer. She didnt have many friends to talk to. I offered to come see her, take her on a beach vacation, get to know each other more. I really really tried to make it work.
I think to be a successful secondary you really do have to be okay with being second. I would make a guess that the most successful secondaries are people that have multiple relationships where they are the secondary (Ie not exclusive to the couple). He wanted me to be exclusive. She didnt want me as co primary.
Thank you for feeling his pain too. WE like to talk about ourselves but I know this must be very hard for him too. Thank you.
Originally Posted by newtoday
I thought they had it figured out, but I was wrong to assume that. It's been a learning curve for each of us. Communication is vital.
Co-Primaries would be nice, wouldn't it? Relieve that sense of competition and as a 'secondary' , that constant feeling of rejection. How could that not set the stage for competition. If each were considered equal, yet celebrated for bringing something different to the relationship, then I think this could work for everyone but I feel that might be asking for too much.
I can feel your pain. And his. I truely can.