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Old 04-11-2012, 09:31 PM
Wants2BEqual Wants2BEqual is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 41
Default "This is just stupid."

Bookbug you said it so well below. really nailed it. How do you get over someone when there wasnt anything between yourselves that went wrong? I'm trying really really hard because I know if I don't, i'll ruin my life. I have a lot to offer the world and a relationship/s...everyday I'm digging for it, but I have to literally PUSH him out of my head. I hear his voice, feel his touch, look for his guidance and the only thing that makes it better is to remind myself that he is married and neither of them should have tried to make something work with me without working it out with each other first.

Now will they find themselves like your couple I dont know. I dont dare dream or think about any scenario now beyond salvaging what is left of my heart and life and figuring how to navigate without him. I am comforted only by knowing I gave it everything I had for 5 years, and because he ended it so resolutely that I have to trust it was the best for everyone.

I worry about you and your ability to really move on. Have you had other relationships since this one was over? Did he come fix your computer? How did you feel? Are you going to be able to get over him by keeping in such close touch? I guess its noble if so, I just couldnt do it. At least not now while emotions are still so charged.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
In the standard relationship when people break up it is because there are problems between them, good reasons not to be together. I think it's hard to wrap your head around the idea that there are no issues directly between yourselves and yet you still must be apart. I frequently find myself saying, "This is just stupid."

In my own situation, I know my friend was pain, but I do feel some underlying anger at her for agreeing to a permanent triad and then changing her mind, with the added bonus that she was shocked that we were hurt when it was she that "had everything to lose." Nope. I feel like I've lost everything. It might have made it easier if she'd tried to understand how much this hurt both her husband and I.

It's been 6 months now since I left.

As for her marriage, it is forever altered. Yes, he is staying with her. I'd been working under the impression that he was motivated by love and honor. He told me yesterday, that his motivation to stay is almost purely driven by the fact that his kids are flourishing, and it physically hurts him to consider ripping that apart. He does well in his role as husband, trying to keep the lines of communication open and endeavoring to support her, but she is no longer his focus in life. Sadly, I believe in the long run she will find that she has lost more than she realizes.

That said, my friend is going through some changes. Whether this will eventually result in her come to some understanding of the situation, and sympathy for our losses, I don't know. Whether this will enable her to repair the relationship between them, I don't know. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I have to move forward.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
In the standard relationship when people break up it is because there are problems between them, good reasons not to be together. I think it's hard to wrap your head around the idea that there are no issues directly between yourselves and yet you still must be apart. I frequently find myself saying, "This is just stupid."

In my own situation, I know my friend was pain, but I do feel some underlying anger at her for agreeing to a permanent triad and then changing her mind, with the added bonus that she was shocked that we were hurt when it was she that "had everything to lose." Nope. I feel like I've lost everything. It might have made it easier if she'd tried to understand how much this hurt both her husband and I.

It's been 6 months now since I left.

As for her marriage, it is forever altered. Yes, he is staying with her. I'd been working under the impression that he was motivated by love and honor. He told me yesterday, that his motivation to stay is almost purely driven by the fact that his kids are flourishing, and it physically hurts him to consider ripping that apart. He does well in his role as husband, trying to keep the lines of communication open and endeavoring to support her, but she is no longer his focus in life. Sadly, I believe in the long run she will find that she has lost more than she realizes.

That said, my friend is going through some changes. Whether this will eventually result in her come to some understanding of the situation, and sympathy for our losses, I don't know. Whether this will enable her to repair the relationship between them, I don't know. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I have to move forward.
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