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Old 04-11-2012, 08:13 PM
geo05 geo05 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1

First off I would like to thank you for starting this thread and expressing your situation. Although I do not have any experience in the poly lifestyle, I still wanted to reply with my thoughts on the situation.

I recently began to believe that I may be in the same situation and I have learned a lot by reading this thread. It actually surprised me when you said,
"This isn't a horny selfish thing either it's that I feel kinda bad for not taking care of and protecting single women out there who are putting themselves out to be abused by guys who do not care about who they are as people but are just trying to have sex and leave. It gets to be very painful for me to hear about these kinds of things when they happen and it makes me want to love on them."
I have had a similar mentality for many years (even before I married my wife). I see where you are coming from and I don't think that makes you creepy, sexist, or one-track minded in any way. Quite the opposite. I'm surprised that a lot of people insist that you are only saying that because you want the physical side.

Here's how I would explain my mentality and you can tell me if it follows your line of thinking:

In my life I see many people with good hearts/souls and people with corrupt hearts/souls (on both sides. men and woman). It's unfortunate to say, but I find that there are a lot of men that have failed to learn how to treat women with the love and respect they deserve. Those women with good hearts/souls don't deserve the pain that they're forced to go through (either because of their environment or one mistake). I'm not saying that I am going to be the all powerful liberator of these women, but I can't help but care for them deep within. I believe that everyone has the capacity to truly love more than one person at a time because each person is different and provides something completely unique in a relationship. When I say I care about these women I don't mean that I want them for sex, I don't mean I want to baby them and make them feel like they need me. As a matter of fact, I don't want them to rely on me. I will not help those who choose to not help themselves. Instead I want to show my care for them and show them what it's like to be loved by another emotionally. Do these feelings make me a sex hungry creep that believes women need saving? I don't think so. That kind of mind frame is so far from my intentions that it sickens me think even think about using someone like that. And I am not looking to target only those who have been hurt and beaten down. I look for those who have kind hearts and deserve to feel emotional warmth that so few men understand. I want to do this because I have an enormous heart filled with love that I want to share. I'd like to think it's more chivalrous than selfish (selfless even because I find happiness in seeing another's smile).

I, like you, do not know where I fit in with my sexuality and I wish to learn more so that I may grow.

Also to give you a bit of my background: I just recently married the woman I met in high school. We have been off and on a couple of times, but my feelings were strong and we fell in love. At the beginning of our relationship I was simply the friend that listened to her relationship problems and how poorly her boyfriends treated her (while giving advice and warnings that proved accurate). One day I said enough and asked her out. Our feelings grew from there. Now after all those years the feeling of deeply caring for others has not gone away and I am having my own trouble explaining this to her. She is dealing with her own conflicts because she is bi and found that she has real feelings for a girl she met (who we are both friends with). I am fine with her having these feelings, but she cannot feel the same about my situation. Every time it comes up in conversation it immediately goes to the "Why am I not enough" argument.
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