I moved out last Saturday. I don't miss all the wondering, is he talking to her, texting her, seeing her..... He lied to me so many times, it was the LIES that were making me just as crazy, as the relationship with her. It would be the same if he were drinking and hiding the bottles, or sneaking pills. In fact, I think it's very similar, really -- he is addicted to her.
He kept telling me he wasn't seeing her anymore, she broke up with him, he was over her, she is wrong for him, not stable, not even pretty, what was he ever thinking?.... telling me he didn't want a divorce, he wants me, our family.... It was making things so difficult, I wondered, why am I doing this??? Why am I leaving, can't we make this work, if we aren't seeing other people anymore?
4 days before I moved, he came up to me and hugged me and kissed me so deeply, I was shocked to my toes. He seemed so sincere, he seemed to want me so much, I didn't know quite what to do, but I felt so odd, going through with this big move, when we still love each other. I cried, a lot. Then later on that night he left his phone sitting out, without the lock mode on, and I saw a text to her: "Thanks for the ride this morning, cowgirl." He had been with her, that very morning. I looked through his texts and pictures -- he has been with her all along, telling her he loves her, having sex with her, sharing pictures of each other's kids, sending each other naked pictures (and taking pictures of themselves having sex together).
I guess he was just going to be a cheater, after all.
I'm so glad I checked his phone, so glad I wised up, so glad I am out of there! I will not tolerate a duplicitous man who is incapable of being honest with me.
Anyway --- my new house is adorable! I love it. I will create a new life that is authentic and reflects who I really am.
I have talked to Butch a little. He is so cool to know that I just need to be ME for awhile. He is so respectful. Independent, and values me cultivating that in myself, too. We may date someday -- he says "when the ink is dry." I admire him so much. I am going to aim to be a bit more like him, as I grow and come into my own.
Now I need to find a good job, to support this new life of mine!!!
Thanks to my poly friends out there who were always real with me when I needed it the most. I am proud to know you.
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy