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Old 04-11-2012, 02:17 PM
PiperDown PiperDown is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: OKC, OK
Posts: 17
Talking Newly redefined relationship

I want to shout it to the rooftops! But I can't, so I'll just share it here

Since joining this site a couple days ago, my relationships have managed to open up and head towards a new path. Previously I had only been looking for a girlfriend for both my husband and I to date equally, because that's what I knew I wanted. I have that. But in reading many of the stories and issues on here, it sparked a conversation with my husband (and later on with my girlfriend as well). It's been decided that we are definitely comfortable with having our own girlfriends aside from our shared gf. We trust eachother implicitly, and I think it would be nice for someone who shares his interests to explore them with him.

That's a huge part of what I find to be so great about polyamory! My husband and I have shared a life and have gotten so used to the things that we like to do together, but there is a lot that I like to do that he doesn't, and vice versa. My girlfriend and I can go to the art museum, or to the botanical gardens, and have tons of fun! My husband would hate those things.

But what I want to get out of this newfound, more open relationship, is the ability to have a strictly lesbian relationship. All my life I have been very active in the LGBT community, and with my love and appreciation for women, I wanted so badly to be a lesbian, but my heart still has the ability to love men. For a long time I was torn between my life standing for the LGBT purposes that I've been fighting for, and with the fact that I've primarily fallen in love with men. It made me feel like a hypocrite at all the pride events, holding hands with a man, but noticing all the beauty of the women around me.

Now I'm looking forward to living my convictions and exploring this side of me that has lain dormant for so long. The only unfortunate part is that I have moved across the country, and haven't immersed myself into the LGBT community out here yet, but in my cursory lookings it seems that it isn't very organized or widespread here. It's going to be a lot harder here. But I'm definitely up to the challenge!

Now, along with this discussion it came out that my husband isn't comfortable yet with the idea of me possibly finding a boyfriend. For some of you husbands that have dealt with this, what helped you to open up to it? I'm not looking to get involved with another man just yet, but the whole point of this is to love who you love and be able to experience that unhindered. I want that option down the road without my husband being uncomfortable with it.

Another question I have, is how on earth do you guys manage your time!? Between myself, my husband, and our current girlfriend, we work 4 jobs at varying times, and she lives 45 minutes away. Plus she has a fiance. Add into that mix our other friendships and the fact that we have a daughter in elementary school (which comes with playdates, homework, school schedules, etc) and I just don't know how to fit anything else into my schedule! How do you make time?

Thanks for reading my big long rant that really didn't go anywhere! I'd really love some insight and ideas if you have them
Oh, what a tangled web we weave...
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