Originally Posted by greenearthal
A little more about gender and why I retain these romantic notions about some balance:
I feel like I thrive in both large and small lateral groups. I find that I do not do very well in hierarchical groups at all (I'm the star you're the fan, you're the boss I'm the worker, I'm the boss you're the worker, etc.) But in peer groups, whether large or small, I feel like I really thrive.
However, when I am in large peer groups and for whatever reason I find myself with a significant gender imbalance, people seem to take leave of their senses and act like idiots (sometimes, not an act). In a large peer group that is predominately male there is generally one monocultural type of idiocy, perhaps best labeled as "typical made idiocy". And likewise, when I find myself among a predominately female group things generally devolve into "any one of a million subtly nuanced forms of complex idiocy".
Whether the differences from male to female are more biological or more socialization is irrelevant. The fact is they're there. And I find that groups that tend toward gender balance are more likely to have the mix of skills and personalities to meet problem solving head on and enjoy the benefits of diversity.
I do recognize that both gender balance and fidelity are my own personal preferences. And believe-you-me I am well aware, sometimes we fall in love with people and the love becomes way more important than our personal preferences. But the actual homework assignment was imagine your ideal relationship. And if I won the relationship lotto and found myself in a situation similar to what I initially described I would be a happy camper.
I can relate to this a lot. But, there is another factor in my case, which is bisexuality.
Whomever I`m with, male or female, has to be able to approach gender intelligently. Knee-jerk gender loyalty turns me off on both men and women. Men and women are equals also is a turn off, since it`s patently untrue. All men/women aren`t like that, also a turn off since gender patterns are obviously present.
My relationships with women are more challenging, no doubt about it. I don`t want to be fed equality anymore, since it is obvious men and women cannot be equals. Women by-and-large refuse equality when I offer it to them. They want to be socially under me, or I seize to be a sexual prospect (in spite of the fact that I am naturally aggressive in bed, and in bed only). Respect, in the masculine sense, means lack of "confidence" for them. So, it`s no longer a feasible dream, for me. And, therefore not a dream at all.
That being said, I don`t fit into hetero-male idiocy either. And, simply "putting a woman in her place", isn`t enough. And, sounds more like some homoerotic need to impress members of the same gender.
I guess what I am hoping for are biological mutations among both women and men. Bisexuality seems to be the only way to escape having to be a total jerk to women, which is what they appear to want in me, for the most part. I also don`t want to be hanging out with men whose knuckles drag on the ground.
As for gay and bisexual men, I am really happy to have discovered my love for them, and they are now the salt of my Earth. They are my hope and salvation from gender idiocy. Still waiting for women who will surprise me, but no longer holding my breath. I guess they are called unicorns for a reason.