View Single Post
  #112  
Old 04-11-2012, 06:09 AM
Mudita Mudita is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 27
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
The boyfriend's feelings of insecurity are his own responsibility to dig at and break open. No one else can "get to the bottom of his feelings" for him.
I agree hence my comment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mudita View Post
But ultimately you can only do so much - he's got to want to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
All Aurelie can do is keep her word, love him, and encourage him to keep dealing with it.

In addition she can also help him to identify a process which will help him understand and deal it. This is pretty much the entire point of what I've been banging on about.

Love and encouragement for someone trying to fix a car is great. But a good book or course on mechanics will likely go a long way too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
After two long posts Aurelie made about how they spent a long weekend baring their souls to each other, renegotiating agreements, and setting boundaries for moving forward, you neglect to see that they are doing exactly what needs to be done? Do you actually think they're not making a concerted effort to make the relationship work for both of them?
I think they are making a concerted agreement to make this relationship work for them.
They have communicated how they currently feel which is a huge first step.
My concern is that renegotiating agreements, and setting boundaries is treating the symptoms and not the cause of the jealousy. Thus it alleviates the pain somewhat but will not eliminate it which will bite them in the ass in the long run.


Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Re-read those posts, you must be letting something color your perceptions.
Inevitably. Such is the human condition.
I encourage you to re-read my posts in light of this one.


Aurelie,
Please understand that I'm not having a go at you.
I think you're doing a standup job here, I really do.
If something is colouring my perceptions it is my experience that trying to repress or mitigate negative emotions is a losing battle. If I have found any peace it is by attempting to eliminate them root and branch.
But that is me and I do not pretend to suggest that this is necessarily the way forward for you and your boyfriend.
At the same time your description of some of the ways he is acting is all too familiar.
Reply With Quote