Something strange happening right now, something I don't like that much. Have I ever mentioned how I hate reconsidering? And yet there is another person thinking of the things I planned as unreasonable and risky. *sigh* Reeeaally don't like it. But thanks for your comment Wildflowers, the only way to get through to me is quantity of the 'But's thrown my way. So I calmly thought it through again.
Is it impossible to handle things the way I want? My biggest problem is, that I haven't been pregnant up to now. No idea how I personally will react to a pregnancy, if I will be exceptional moody, tired, grumpy, get some health problems, will have to implement certain measures because of complications, won't be able to work as planned and so on. I personally believe that being pregnant is a big new factor in my schedule, but will it be one that is so demanding and all-encompassing that I won't be able to get other things done? I know that this is a calculation with a big unknown quantity. I don't know if the amplitude of the unknown makes the calculation wrong and impossible in and of itself.
Concerning the date I set, I know that this is something I can influence but that hasn't a given guarantee that comes with it. I know that there is a time frame in which a pregnancy has to happen, that is ideal and won't cause complications concerning being in hospital or with a constantly crying newborn that won't sleep some hours at once for even part of the night. If this time frame passes without a pregnancy, I will have to wait some time before I try again. So again, is it unreasonable to set my mind on trying? I don't know, I just see a possibility without a guarantee and after that a big sign of 'no chance' for some time.
Lastly, why now? Maybe it is my biological clock ticking, maybe the time just feels right, maybe there are some outer influences (I doubt the last reason, but one never knows what gets us thinking in the first place). The biological aspect is definitely there, I don't want to become a mother by the end of thirty. I feel ready for children right now. And I feel that the environment we are able to provide for a possible child is great. Not ideal, but great. (I would add ideal if there was more money.) I know that things may be a bit more stable and providing in a year or two, but I don't think that what we have right now is that bad either. And as I don't want a single child, the second will be planned around that time, theoretically
So, do I go for the unknown and trust in my abilities to manage things or do I lay a sound and absolutely secure basis and wait for some years? Is there something like absolute safety when it comes to this? *sighing and mumbling* I don't know. My head has a really hard time against my heart right now.