Thread: D/s and poly
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Old 11-26-2009, 12:10 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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OK so we've veered off the OP to the real issue? Youre tired of Domming and want to sub for a while?
Hm.

No. They would neither ever fit the definition of "sub" in anyway. I was a single mom (had my daughter at 16) so though I am naturally a sub, I was forced to be in charge. After Maca and I married-he worked out of town a lot and generally "left it all to me" so to speak, so nothing functionally changed in my life except having a more regular sex partner.

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Do you really, or do you just need to delegate more housework to your subs?
No. I don't DO all of the work (housework or otherwise) I am required to THINK of everthing, create and design the "plan" for how things go-and primarily this has been becuase I'm the only adult whose HERE. It's always been me and the kids with no adults available.

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Do they really have it in them to be the Doms after being subs for so long? how would that all play out, do you think?
Not really pertinent-as I said they weren't subs, they weren't HERE. (not yelling-just emphasizing for context.

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The other q related to the OP seems to be, how would you feel if one of your partners collared a slave?
Fucking pissed off-which is how this came up. Maca brought up having another sub.

I just let them know that was what I wanted and needed. I shared about how hard it was to even ADMIT that when everyone in my life see's me as being "so in control" all of the time (because I HAD to be) and I've always been afraid that if I wasn't the "strong and in charge one" that they would see me as a failure.

I was VERY bent about "failing" everyone by getting pregnant as a teen and wanted to prove I wouldn't "screw up" my daughter because of it. For 18 years I always lived my life by the principal of "it's all for her, when she's grown I can be me again."

I really didn't GET how significantly that invaded me to my soul until she turned 18 and all of these things that I'd been holding inside of me started coming up and out. This is one of them.

I haven't even got it all clarified and Maca brings up someone else (not a particular person) and I found myself filled with fury. I mean FILLED. I felt like I shared this whole significant true and major part of me-and he took it as no more significant than a game. I finally let someone IN to my inner soul and they went "oh neat, that might be fun to play with who else has one?"

Fucking PISSED.

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You dont mind if they "play" BDSM games w another lover, but would feel threatened if they wanted a more formal relationship w a sub?
YES. YES. YES. YES.

As someone else said-getting married, saying "I do" was huge for me as I never wanted to get married. In doing so I was giving up SO MUCH and handing it to Maca. But somehow I don't think he grasped that at all. To him it was about being lovers and raising kids, sharing finances. For me it was about giving up control and freedom and independence, which were a BIG BIG deal to me.
But acknowledging my willingness and desire to be sub. Was EVEN MORE than that.....And I just don't know how to word it. But it feels like if he's so readily willing to take on another "formal sub" to use your wording-then it's almost desecrating the significance of my actions.

Does that make ANY more sense?

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Just how capable do they seem of switching?
Being Dom to my sub is easy for them actually. They each do different parts better, but they are both very good at it AND interestingly work well together even when they don't realize they are doing it.
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