As I said, he told me his jealousy is centred around the sex that my lover and I have. It was very difficult to speak about this and it was upsetting to both him and I. I did my best to tell him that I enjoy them both sexually, and that they were both very different. That he was tender, loving, gentle and considerate and that my lover was the opposite and that is why I needed them both. I told him that he himself knows how much we both love what we do in bed together, and I asked him if he thought I was faking that? He said no!
I thought that he might leave it at that, but he wouldn't. He wanted details, I tried to side step this, but he was having none of it and was upset by this point. He wanted to know if my lover has a big dick, if he lasts longer, If he makes me orgasm more? etc etc. I think our problems of late really have been about his own personal perceived shortcomings, and me going away for that w/end.
I told him the truth, it was very upsetting and I did it as gently as I could and kept details to a minimum as much as I could. I also told him that nobody has ever made me feel as special and loved as he does when I'm having sex with him, and that is true. I told him that my lover has never given me this, and that he never will. I asked him if he feels this same connection with me when we are making love? He said that he did, and always has. I told him what I feel for him sexually is very special to me and I could never be without that feeling.
It was so hard, and all along I have dreaded this, and hoped it wouldn't happen, but it has. I could not lie to him, and I could no longer brush it aside, and there is no way I could tell him it wasn't his business. As difficult and upsetting as it was, we still ended up hugging. I love him so much. I'm happy we talked about it now, and it's behind us. Hopefully.
We have spoken about this more, now that we aren't so upset. My bf has told me that he wants me to give him the chance to do more of the stuff that I like, not the BDSM stuff, but other things. He has told me that although we have tried stuff in the past, he always felt that I wasn't enjoying it, or encouraging him enough, and that made him feel that he wasn't doing it right, and this made him nervous and embarrassed. This hurt me as I have always felt that I was the very opposite, and that I always welcomed & went out of my way to encourage him to try new things. I guess I need to try harder. He has asked me to show and teach him how to do more stuff, and I have said that I would.
We have tried a few things already, and it's worked well. What we did the other night felt so erotic to me, not because I haven't done this thing before, because I have. It was because HE was doing it to me, and I would never have thought that he would have wanted to, I told him how and what to do, and he did it, and he said that he really enjoyed it. I did as well.
What we both know is that we love each other very much. If my bf had any doubts about the fact that I love him more than my lover, I dont think he has them now. I have once again told him that if at anytime it upsets him to much, or if he feels our relationship cannot go on as it is, I will break up with my lover. I feel that isn't fair on my lover, but it's the way it is.
That time hasn't come yet, and I had a date with my lover tonight. We had an awesome time, as usual. I got home on time, and my bf and I had cuddle time.
Now I want the two of them to meet, as I think this will help us. I'll leave it a few weeks before I suggest this to them both.
If we can work on my bf's jealousy, I think that we will be o.k, at least for now anyway. I hope so, because I have never felt so happy. It's gone one a.m here, and I'm to excited to sleep.