So, over the weekend my Bf and I have had a few frank and honest chats about our relationship, and my relationship with my lover. We promised that we would be honest with each other during these discussions, and we have been. It's been tough.
I knew this wasn't going to be easy, and it has not been. There have been some tears from the both of us, but I'm glad to say that there has also been lots of hugs as well. We have not argued, and he didn't storm out. We have been able to talk it through. It has been very hard for me to be honest with him about some of the stuff he has asked me, but I think I have done o.k.....He has told me that he does not want me to feel I have to give my lover up, although he did say that he can't promise that he will always feel this way. We are going to work on his jealousy problems together. There is a lot of stuff just to put into one post, but I will try. Dont know where to
Well first off, I knew that my bf was hurt by my lover & I going away for a weekend together. I had no idea just how hard he took this though. He has told me that while I was away, he gave serious thought to ending our relationship when I got back.
He says that it was the first time he had asked me not to do something with my lover, the first time he felt very uncomfortable with what was happening, and even though he made this clear, I went anyways. He says that I just dismissed him, and his thoughts and his feelings and put my lover before him, us, and our family. He said that this hurt him a lot, and that it still upsets him even now, and he is still angry about it.
I have told him how sorry I am, and have promised him that I will never do this again, and that if anything comes up that is important for us as a couple, or as a family, I will put this first, even if it is on one of the nights that I put aside for my lover. We have set this as a boundary.
He has told me that I need to respect his desire to be faithful to me. He has told me that he loves me very much, more than he thought was ever possible for him to love anyone. He says that he respects the fact that I told him from the start of my need to be with someone else as well as him. It is however something that he himself cannot, or has no desire to do. It annoys him that I have continually tried to persuade him to do other wise. I then
annoyed him further by suggesting that we might try to find him a similar relationship to the one I have with my lover. He was angry, and told me that he only wants to love me, that he only wants sex with me and nobody else. He says I'm to stop with the constant innuendos about other woman. He then informed me that he had only been with two woman in the year we have been together. He says he tried to have an open relationship, but knew after the first two attempts that it wasn't for him. He found it uncomfortable and embarrassing on both occasions. I'm ashamed of myself that I put him into a situation where he felt he had to lie to me, all the time I thought he was on dates, he was out with his friends. This is another boundary we have set. I have to except that he is mono in our relationship.
He says that he wants us to be together long term, I told him I want the same, but he finds it difficult to look to the future the way we are. He wants us to give Max a brother or sister, he says that this means a lot to him. He thinks that this is not possible the way we are at the moment, and that if I was to fall pregnant in our current situation, it would be the end of our relationship right there. I assured him that I am very, very careful and that I to want to have another child at some point, and that the only person I want a child with, is him. I'm not ready yet though, and I told him this. I've promised him that we will try at some point in the future, and that we will do what we have to do to make sure that there is no chance of anyone but him being the father. I told him that I cant imagine anyone else as the father to a child of mine, and that includes Max. I've told him that he is Max's dad, as far as both Max, and I am concerned, and that I love him so much for making Max & I so happy.
I asked him how he really feels about my relationship with my lover?
He says that he believes me when I tell him that I love him more, and that he is more important to me than my lover, he says that he feels, and knows we have something special, and that he knows I feel the same way. That is why he is able to cope with my relationship with my lover. He says he trusts me.
He has admitted that he has been feeling very jealous of late, and that is why he has been moody. He says that the jealousy is centred around sex, that he doesn't like to think of my lover and I together, but he finds it hard not to. He says that sometimes he is fine with it, other times it makes him mad, and he has even admitted that there are times that it turns him on. (This amazed me)
He thinks that I behave and treat my relationship with my lover like it's no big deal, that annoys him because he thinks it's a massive deal, and it irritates and hurts him when he tries to talk about it and I ignore him, and in his words..... "Treat him like a child." I told him I would try not to do this in future.
He said I was being silly about him not staying up, and crazy thinking that he was pretending to be asleep, and even crazier to think he was using Max as a barrier between us. He said that it's purely because of the routine him and Max have got into, and also because I've started coming home later. So we have agreed that I'm to be in by 23.30. This is another boundary we have set. He says that he will give me all the hugs and kisses that I need if I do.