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Old 04-10-2012, 09:26 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

You know, you should clearly state that you are uncomfortable hearing too much detail about women he is interested in. Many people in poly situations have a boundary about that, and he shouldn't assume that in the interest of honesty and full disclosure that he MUST tell you everything. He should respect your tolerance level, and it's perfectly reasonable to only want to know who he's with, when he goes out, when he'll be home, and if he had a good time, and general stuff that would affect you and your time together, without describing issues they deal with or the nitty-gritty details. He doesn't need to report back to you, let him develop the relationship on its own. There are also privacy issues for his girlfriend - maybe she wouldn't like every little detail shared with you, either.

Is he looking for feedback or approval from you or is he just excited? He may be so excited about her, and wrapped up in NRE, that he doesn't realize how much you don't like it. And he'll never know if you don't tell him. You can say something like, "Honey, I'm happy that you're so excited about this relationship and I want to be supportive, but there is only so much information and details I can handle. I would rather you not tell me so much, it makes me uncomfortable. But I would like to hear about such-and-such" and tell him exactly what you are willing to discuss or listen to.

And perhaps you could look for a local poly group to join so he has other people to talk to about it, which would unburden you.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 04-11-2012 at 12:48 AM.
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