Oh welcome (it wasn't that hard to read through!). You're in the right place.
If it's any comfort (actually, it likely won't be), I never got over my first female love. She's not even female anymore. The last time I saw him, my brain lost it, just as much as it did 30 years ago. Fortunately, he lives on another continent now.
Your feelings and thoughts are absolutely normal (well, normal for poly) and the longer you hang out here, and read folks' stories, the more you will recognize how familiar and how normal.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)