Originally Posted by lovingcouple209
Exotic meaning we want more than just a novelty or quickie 3sum. Which is why we see ourselves as Polyamorous. We love connection and have tons of love and care to give to a woman who is more than happy to give and receive to a couple as well. We feel that anyone who is Polyamorous sees themselves as Exotic too.
I can't speak for everyone, but I'm mostly a really boring, not-exotic, vanilla mouse. It was a circumstance that led me to being in love with my two favorite men in the world, and they were gracious enough to consent to a vee. There's nothing special about my life, it's really, really ordinary. And challenged by my genetic condition. But I'm happy, I have good friends and good times. Not exotic. Nothing to invite anyone into.
My hallucination is that perhaps you have met some experienced poly women, and when they realize your lack of experience, and your eagerness, they 'fall asleep' or find an excuse to let you down easy, rather than saying 'you are scary unicorn hunters and I wouldn't touch you with a 10.5' pole.'
If I'm in a relationship with people, I owe them honesty. If I'm meeting&greeting, or even dating to determine if I want a relationship with people, I don't owe them anything until I decide if I actually want to be in relationship with them. So if it looks like a real discussion would be difficult, why would I invest in people I've decided I don't want invest in? I would make up an excuse.
So yah, it could be that you're wonderful and unicorns are rare; or it could be that unicorns available find something distasteful about you. We can't possibly know that from this discussion (so far).
I think the suggestion to date separately might give you some poly experience (and 'street cred' as it were). To say that you're ready is one thing, but for an experienced unicorn to know that you have not yet had the opportunity to really experience jealousy, or compersion for that matter, perhaps they're not willing to risk that. If you date a little separately, and find out how that feels, you have something different to bring to the table.
Just some thoughts, I have little experience (but have spent a lifetime imagining that one man and one woman and me would be an awesome relationship to be in). And what I know from reading the fine folks here at polyamory.com.