I thought they had it figured out, but I was wrong to assume that. It's been a learning curve for each of us. Communication is vital.
Co-Primaries would be nice, wouldn't it? Relieve that sense of competition and as a 'secondary' , that constant feeling of rejection. How could that not set the stage for competition. If each were considered equal, yet celebrated for bringing something different to the relationship, then I think this could work for everyone but I feel that might be asking for too much.
I can feel your pain. And his. I truely can.