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Old 04-09-2012, 10:47 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285
Default "For Lovers and Fighters"

I thought I'd leave this essay here to see if it generates a discussion. The author examines polyamory from a queer, trans, and anti-capitalist point of view. I enjoyed it -- the overall tone is very positive, seeing poly as a natural expression of escape from the oppressive expectations that surround us in our culture, but it also points out some of the potential problems that can emerge.

Bits I especially liked:

"One of my goals in thinking about redefining the way we view relationships is to try to treat the people I date more like I treat my friends—try to be respectful and thoughtful and hav boundaries and reasonable expectations—and to try to treat my friends more like my dates—to give them special attention, honor my commitments to them, be consistent, and invest deeply in our futures together."

"A lot of the things I’m writing here go to the basic notion of what we think loving other people is about. Is it about possessing them, finding security in them, having all our needs met by them, being able to treat them in any way and still having them stick around? I hope not. What I hope that love is—whether platonic, romantic, familial, or communal—is the sincere wish that another person have what they need to be whole and develop themselves to their best capacity for joy or whatever fulfillment they’re seeking."

"I’ve been disturbed to see dynamics emerge where people create the new poly norm and then hate themselves if they cannot live up to it. If they are not perfect at being non-jealous, non-threatened, and totally delighted by their partners’ exploits immediately then they have somehow failed."
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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