Obviously the mood of one's spouse affects them. I remember what he was like when he was unemployed. It affected everything and everyone in our house. So I can get that his being happier will be a benefit for me. I guess I was thinking more of a direct benefit for me.
Also 90% of the last post was me continuing to vent. JN was very loving, and reassuring, and honest with me. It is true though that I feel he does not give as much serious consideration to the dangers this decision exposes us to as I do, and I feel he is being a bit "rose colored glasses" in his statement that none of his activities with other people would have any effect on us.
Of course it will. His dates will take time away from our family, money away from our budget, etc. And I have some concerns that he seems to feel differently about like whether there can be places off-limits for dates, and how other things will be handled like family privacy and so on.
I am not dating them, and I definitely don't want him dscussing our sex life or my health problems with them. He says that if they ask how he is doing and he says he s worried about me, they will probably ask what's going on. I say he should reply that it is personal, and that SN (me) has asked that he not talk about it with anyone. I don't want them to know when I've been feeling unattractive, or having issues with orgasms, or our kids are having problems at school, or that my mother-in-law and I are fighting. He counters that these things affect him, and that since he will have a relationship with them, he should be able to talk wth them about his feelings about whtever it is, and that to do so will mean giving details. I say if pressed he can say that I am unhappy or not feeling well, and it bothers him, and change the subject. I tried to explain how people can use nformation like that against you. The office I worked in years ago was full of women like that. He says I am being ridiculous, that he would never let anything like that happen, that I should trust him more. It isn't him I have a problem trusting.
I feel this is one of those boundary things. Unless I know this person very well myself, I am not going to feel comfortable with them knowing such intimate thngs about me, and I don't want to know their private details either. And even then, there are many people I know very well that I would never share those details with. But still they are my details. I asked him how he would feel if he had erectin issues, and I had a boyfriend, and that I told this boyfriend all about it. He didn't have an answer and then we got interrupted by unexpected company.
I think that if he found just a play partner for his BDSM needs, I would be happier, but he feels he has to have the ability to have whatever kinds of relationships develop, that he wants more than just those BDSM experiences.
I know my posts are long, but I am really in an awful place and have no one to talk to but him.