The living situation is complicated one that has been agreed upon from the beginning, we all know where we stand there. Have there been times when i feel like it is 2 +1, yes... But i have to say they are both wonderful and do everything that they can to make sure i understand everything and make it that we are all equal. They have 15+ years of history that i do not share with them and at any time i don't understand or question something, no questions are off limits. They will share why, what, when and how.
As for boundaries, we have one set up and its called issuing a stop. Whenever something is heated, not ready to discuss, off limits for the time being, anyone of the three of us can issue a stop, the action/conversation stops until everyone can think about what needs to be said and then we arrange at a later date to finish the discussion.
Things have sadly been done and said on all parties in the last 48 hours that have caused many hurt feelings and questioning. I know there were comments i made last night as we were chatting online / texting that hurt them very badly and now that i think back on it, wish i never said them. But it happens and we must grow from there.
As for accepting to much bullshit, yes there is some limited of that coming from one of the partners, who is working on getting better. I give him a lot of credit for admitting his fault and trying to make this all work. Even after his little error and still could not live without him. (However he knows he went right up to the line in the sand, if he would have crossed it, that would be a different story)
One thing is for sure, loving one man is hard, loving two men is like trying to find out the meaning of life. I will never stop trying and i will always keep learning as we go forward.
Yes i know they are both reading this, and i want them to both know i know its had for you to love me right now and its hard for me to love you, but i still love you, more than i can explain and i still want and desire to move forward.
Originally Posted by nycindie
You've only been together a short time, so I hope you are not planning on moving in before you've been with them for at least a year. They do sound like they are viewing this situation as a Couple Plus One rather than 1+1+1 all with equal say and responsibility. There are certainly issues here that need some light shone on them, and some negotiations. When you ask for boundaries or make agreements, it is important that people know there are consequences for crossing them or not living up to them.
You really have begun to set a dangerous precedent for yourself in terms of tolerating too much bullshit and it will continue unless you stand up for yourself and say, "No more." I also wonder why they can't stay at your place. Another reason why they seem very couplecentric and mostly invested in the dyad than in the triad.