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Old 04-09-2012, 08:19 PM
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nightrush nightrush is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Farmington Hills, MI
Posts: 48
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You are right, i can not control my partners... and i never want too, they are their own person and i expect them to stay that way.

As for doing what i did that day, it was so we could spend more time together once he got home and no one would have to worry about it. I rank them higher than myself, by my choice.

We are only as strong as our weakest link....


Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunny View Post
So, are your partners reading this thread? Why are you poly-fi? Why don't they come to your house, especially if you're allergic to their cats?

I have some paradigm shifts that I made that have helped in my relationships and might help you.

1) I can only control myself. I can not control my partner, so I don't try. I can only control my reaction.

The vibe I'm getting is that your partner is (subconsciously) rebeling against your perceived attempts to control by acting rebeliously. By ignoring your need to be allergen free and by putting up dating profiles he might be reassurting his autonomy. Perhaps his parents were controlling which leads him to react instinctively to rebel.

So try saying something like this: "I have a need to be free of cat hair. When my allergies act up I feel disregarded. What solution can you think of for this problem?" You don't need that particular person to clean. Maybe the solution is someone else does it, or you hang out someplace else.

2). My partner can't read my mind and assumptions are trouble. I need to communicate what I'm feeling timely, calmly and in a way they can understand.

I find that emails and texting lead to misunderstandings.

3). Don't play the martyr. If I want to do something out of a sense of giving, expecting nothing in return, than great. But if I do something feeling self sacrificing and expecting something in return, it will create resentment. And I don't want anyone else to sacrifice for me because I don't want to be resented.
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